How to Encourage Appropriate Social Skills with Friends

From the desk of Erin Lozano, MEd, LPC-S, RPT-S

Director of Early Childhood

The holiday breaks are an opportunity for your child to spend time with other friends in a setting outside the school. Whether they meet up to hang out or a friend comes over for a play date, helping your child to navigate these social situations can be intimidating, especially if your child has had social difficulty in the past. As parents, there are things you can do to help encourage success in these areas!

Help Your Child Chose an Appropriate Friend to Spend Time With

• Help your child chose a friend who is nice to them
• Help your child text/call the friend to ask if they would like to hang out
• For younger children, ask the teacher for advice on who would be a good match
• For younger children, reach out to the other child’s parents to set up the play date

Target the Social Behaviors You Want to Change

• Be specific
• Only focus on a few at a time
• State the behavior in a positive way by telling them what TO DO, not what NOT TO DO
• Some examples of targeted behaviors include: “Use your words”, “Take deep breaths when frustrated”, “Share toys”, “Take turns”, etc.

Talk to Your Child About How You Would Like Them to Act

• Agree on a plan
• Be very concrete
• State your goals in a positive way and again tell them what you want them TO DO, not what you want them NOT TO DO

Set Up an Incentive Plan

• Avoid criticism
• Catch your child doing WELL and comment frequently
• Praise any approximation of the behavior you desire
• Let your child help decide what special privilege of material items they would like to earn
• Liberally reward your child, especially in the beginning

Prepare Your Child in Advance for Social Situations

• Remind your child what you expect
• Express confidence that they can do it

Help Your Child Learn to Solve a Difficult Situation

• Use Empathy
• Help them identify what went wrong
• What did the other child, as well as your child, do to contribute to the problem (remember, there are two sides to every story!)
• Problem solve options they can do to make it better
• Encourage them to go back and try to fix the problem, don’t rush in and fix it for them!
• Remember, your goal is to help your child learn which problems can be fixed, which cannot, and the wisdom to know the difference

Celebrate Your Child’s Accomplishments

• Be honest
• Be specific
• Point out any areas of improvement
• Let your child help decide what special privileges or material items to earn
• Build on their success!

If any of these areas are a concern for you and/or your child, our amazing team of therapists at The Center for Social Success are here to help them build the skills and confidence needed to be successful in their social endeavors! We offer both individual and group sessions, year round, for all ages!

Call for more information or to schedule an appointment at (972)404-3001.